I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
