"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
