are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
