There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize