May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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