idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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