theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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