New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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