Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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