I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
