You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
