you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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