He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
