I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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