im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
