When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
