Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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