At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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