I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
