Sorry, I don't speak sober.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
