I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
