Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
