So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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