my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
