I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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