I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Enjoy the penises
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
