You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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