I wish I could punch you in the face.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
