Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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