yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
