she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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