I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
