What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
