So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
