Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
