Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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