woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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