i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
