you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
