yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
