seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
