Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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