Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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