Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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