do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i love accidental penises.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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