i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
