All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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