My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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