i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
