i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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