just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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