omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
