Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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