You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
