shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
