This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
