It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
