you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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