my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
