he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
