I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
