My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
