if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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