You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
