How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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