I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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