i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
