Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
