we made out on top of his cat.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
