my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
