My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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