I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
