saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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