She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
