She's JV to your varsity
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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