Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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