nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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