Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
