Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
