What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
