Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
