Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
a search helicopter?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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