She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
