Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
