Why does Corona taste like a burp?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
