Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
