She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize