I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
