if i can run in heels then i can drive
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
