Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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