party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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