if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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