I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
