if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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