Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
