I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
