Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
