thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
