Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
