The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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