You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had to cum in my sink.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
