He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
