this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
