Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize