Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
