at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
