after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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